Keir Starmer Infuriates Restaurant Staff with Endlessly Changing Order
HOLBORN AND ST PANCRAS, UK — Restaurant Staff at Ten Guys were left feeling “exploited and lied to” after a visit from Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer.
“We’ve dealt with some difficult types throughout the years,” said head chef and owner Jim Barker. “Theresa May only telling us the colour she wanted, Tony Blair insisting he needed to inspect our kitchen, but Keir was a bloody nightmare.”
According to Jim, the night started off fine. Keir Starmer insisted on ordering a delicious ten course meal, not just for himself, but the entire restaurant. Yet trouble started when the waiter went to confirm the order.
“No, that’s not right at all,” Starmer allegedly said. After further interrogation, Starmer admitted that, while he had ordered that specific meal, “the financial health of the country had changed in those following minutes.”
Backtracking on his initial order, Starmer instead opted for a vegetarian option. Although agreeing to the stated menu price, Starmer later insisted that he could no longer pledge that amount of money. “We asked how much he could afford, if he’d be willing to draw down from a rich friend, but he just said he ‘wouldn’t pay nothing’.”
Jim wasn’t the only one who had issues with Starmer’s behaviour.
“That man has a brain like a roulette wheel,” said Aran Spoons, one of the waiters who served Starmer. “One minute he’s yelling that our meals need to be ‘fully-costed’, and the next he started inferring that our gynandromorph lobster was somehow ‘a danger to real female lobsters’.”
Even asking if Starmer had enjoyed his meal was fraught with difficulties. Although Keir replied in the affirmative, he then turned to a table of Tory voters, and upon asking for their thoughts, turned back around and said the meal was “shit.”
Despite the night’s difficulties, Jim Barker admitted that Starmer wasn’t the worst customer they’d ever had. “Liz Truss insisted that our lettuce had to be out of date by the time she left.”
The above article is satire. It is entirely made up, and is not intended, in any way whatsoever, to be taken as factual.
